Old and young 8: Move closer and tell me your name

Old:

Sometimes a picture simply does account for a thousand words.

In the continuing  series of old and young we have read some rather humorous stories about old people and some weird answers from kids who say the craziest things in their exams. At both ends of life, there is enough reality and down-to-earthness to bring every aspect of life down with a bump and so restore perspective.

Yet it is never about laughing at people. Rather its about being real and learning to laugh at ourselves through whatever reality faces us. This is a tough life, made the more bearable by the humorous realities that cross our paths everyday, for which I so thank God. Without humor I am sure I would have crumbled years ago, but the funny things we say at home, overhear in our children or see in everyday life, keep us in touch with the ground and remind us of how small we are and how little we know. Thank you Lord for that.

Young (Exam answers):

Sources of exam answers: Unknown

Old and young 7: By day or night, their love ne'er grew cold

Old:

An elderly couple, still living in the same home after more than fifty years of marriage, were at the breakfast table one morning when she remarked, "My dear, do you remember the time when as newly weds we naughtily stripped off and ate our breakfast with no clothes on." She giggled delightfully at the memory, but he, the drier of the two, just softly chuckled and carried on eating his food. "Can't we do it again?" Reluctantly he agreed and so the two old, wrinkled souls sat in the morning sun enjoying sweet nothingness.

He was content to humor her, whilst enjoying his breakfast. She had other ideas. In a moment of passion she said, "My breasts are still hot for you my love".

At that, the old man finished a mouth full of coffee, slowly lowered his cup and then looked her in the eye to say, "Maybe my dear its because one of them is in the porridge and the other is in your coffee."

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Old and young 6: Xcuse me sir, can you tell me where I am?

Old:

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"

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Old and young 5: Put your name on ice

Old:

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her as her face and her glare became more intense.

Finally she said, "How soon do you need to Know?"

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A walk on the blind side

Sandra Bullock gave her career a major fillip in her role as Lee Ann Tuohy, the star role of the movie, "The Blind Side". I was never quite able to enjoy Ms Bullock, maybe because her career was spoilt by earlier silly roles. But she really does put that right in this great movie.

Her co-star, Quinton Aaron, plays the role of Michael Oher, a giant black boy who is given an outside chance in an upmarket Christian School. But he has no chance really, not as long as his core needs are left unresolved. Those needs include having no place to live, no bed to lie on, no regular supply of food, no ability to read or learn, no surname, no identity and a sadly diminished sense of self.

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So how does your garden grow?

Come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses....

My brother sent these thoughts, just after I published a post about apple trees and what makes them bear fruit. It is timeous and relevant.

A garden needs thyme: Thyme for each other, thyme for family and thyme for friends

Plant three rows of peas: peas of mind, peas of heart and peas of soul

Add four rows of squash: Squash gossip, squash indifference, squash grumbling and squash selfishness

Plant some lettuce: Lettuce be faithful, lettuce be kind, lettuce be patient, lettuce really love one another

No garden can be wthout turnips: Turnip for meetings, turnip for service and turnip to help one another

Water with patience, cultivate with love. There will be much fruit because you will reap what you sow.

Source: Chris Missing

Old and young 4: Get your teeth into a Bond book or someone else

4Old:

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep..

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

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